At first, Reid is ready to point out that he thinks it might be just the slightest bit awkward if Hild were to tell him she's in love with him now, but he thinks better of challenging her in a hypothetical situation that she's using only to help him gain the confidence he knows he so desperately needs. It's just that he's never been the one to initiate anything on his own, it's always been someone else making this all too clear to him that the attraction he thinks exists isn't as one-sided as he always tends to believe.
He's been left too many times, he thinks, which may be a poor reason to avoid moving forward with someone he cares about so deeply already, but Reid doesn't know how else to explain it. He's watched his father leave his mother; he's been left with a letter and a badge, mere souvenirs that don't do justice to the memory of two people who'd meant so much to him; he's had his nightmares of losing Maeve over and over to a gunshot that should have been reserved for him because he'd loved her so much that he would have died for her if only Diane Turner had let him; and now, he can't help but to wonder in what cruel way Luke will be taken from him, too.
It could be the vampires or maybe someone who doesn't like that there are werewolves in Darrow or it could even be that the city decides to let Reid wake up to a world without the man he wants to be with on any given day. Life is such an unpredictable thing, Reid has watched so many people learn that the hard way, and he knows that the possibility of limited time should only mean that he work faster to tell Luke the truth about how he feels but the problem is that Reid doesn't know that he could face the rejection and continue on seeing Luke as often as he does now.
"I understand the concept of what you are telling me," Reid says, "but it is not Luke who is the problem, it is me. You seem so sure that he feels the same way, but I still am not. I want to believe it, I do, but I do not think I could walk into that store every day if I were to tell him and have to listen to him gently turn me down." Because it would be gentle, Luke would never be cruel to him; but somehow, knowing that makes it all seem a little more daunting. "It may not change things for him, but I think it would change a great deal for me. There is already something that tightens here when I see him."
He points at his chest, glancing down at his hand before looking over his shoulder toward the direction of the store. "One day, I will find the courage to do it. One day, when I convince myself that our friendship will not suffer for it if the feelings are not mutual." Reid looks back at Hild with a wry smile and a slight shake of his head. "But I am afraid that day is not today. I doubt it will be tomorrow or even the next day."
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He's been left too many times, he thinks, which may be a poor reason to avoid moving forward with someone he cares about so deeply already, but Reid doesn't know how else to explain it. He's watched his father leave his mother; he's been left with a letter and a badge, mere souvenirs that don't do justice to the memory of two people who'd meant so much to him; he's had his nightmares of losing Maeve over and over to a gunshot that should have been reserved for him because he'd loved her so much that he would have died for her if only Diane Turner had let him; and now, he can't help but to wonder in what cruel way Luke will be taken from him, too.
It could be the vampires or maybe someone who doesn't like that there are werewolves in Darrow or it could even be that the city decides to let Reid wake up to a world without the man he wants to be with on any given day. Life is such an unpredictable thing, Reid has watched so many people learn that the hard way, and he knows that the possibility of limited time should only mean that he work faster to tell Luke the truth about how he feels but the problem is that Reid doesn't know that he could face the rejection and continue on seeing Luke as often as he does now.
"I understand the concept of what you are telling me," Reid says, "but it is not Luke who is the problem, it is me. You seem so sure that he feels the same way, but I still am not. I want to believe it, I do, but I do not think I could walk into that store every day if I were to tell him and have to listen to him gently turn me down." Because it would be gentle, Luke would never be cruel to him; but somehow, knowing that makes it all seem a little more daunting. "It may not change things for him, but I think it would change a great deal for me. There is already something that tightens here when I see him."
He points at his chest, glancing down at his hand before looking over his shoulder toward the direction of the store. "One day, I will find the courage to do it. One day, when I convince myself that our friendship will not suffer for it if the feelings are not mutual." Reid looks back at Hild with a wry smile and a slight shake of his head. "But I am afraid that day is not today. I doubt it will be tomorrow or even the next day."