notaretriever: (015)
Luke Garroway ([personal profile] notaretriever) wrote in [personal profile] youfeelluckypunk 2015-11-20 02:15 pm (UTC)

"Regret changes a person," Luke says thoughtfully and although he doesn't know Maryse well now, he can gather well enough what she may be like from the things Alec has said about her. She'd always been composed, a little cool, and he can imagine how traits like that might shift toward the more severe under the weight of what they've all done. Regret has changed them all, he knows that, and while Maryse has perhaps become a little more singleminded in how she runs things, Luke knows there are a lot of ways in which he feels like he's constantly trying to atone for what he'd done. Reaching out, offering help, making sure no one is hurt, those have always been a part of his nature, but since Valentine he's felt them more keenly, he's acted on them more often.

They all have regrets and they've all been changed by their time with Valentine.

In the case of Alec's mother, he knows her regret runs much more deeply than that. There are personal matters at stake as well. Luke may no longer be a Shadowhunter, but he's heard things, whispers of rumours. They're not things he feels he can tell Alec, simply because he doesn't know them to be true, but he imagines how Robert's behaviour may have further changed his wife.

At Alec's comment Luke smiles softly and reaches over to pat his knee. "It's alright," he says. "It's hard to throw off the preconceived notions you've been fed all your life, no matter how close you may be to a person. I... when it happened, Valentine told me to do the honourable thing and kill myself. That's why I have the Morgenstern blade. He gave it to me to take into the forest where he hoped I would slit my own wrists and you know, Alec, I almost did. Instead I went to my sister, hoping she would talk me out of it, but when she told me that Valentine was right, I went to find the wolf that bit me and I challenged him to a fight. I thought for certain he would kill me and I wanted him to, because even I wasn't able to get over what had happened to me. I was the one who'd been changed and I was disgusted by the thought of having to live as a Downworlder." His smile grows a little. "So in order to forgive myself those thoughts, I have to forgive your mother for hers."

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